Hi L,

This morning I was reading "Jayber Crow" and certain letters of R.M. Rilke. It occurs to me how Rilke’s attitude, reflected by my friends/teachers and the Dutch environment in general, so completely overtook me in my grad school years. In the following quote, Rilke’s writing to his wife Clara about his visit with Auguste Rodin, mentioning also his brief stay with the Tolstoys.

"He was silent a while and then said, wonderfully seriously he said it: … ‘il faut travailler, rien que travailler. Et il faut avoir patience.’ You should not think of wanting to do anything, you should only try to build up your own means of expression so as to say everything. You should work and have patience. Look neither to the right nor left. Draw your whole life into this circle, having nothing outside this life. As Rodin has done. J’y ai donné ma jeunesse, he said. It is certainly true. You must sacrifice all else. Tolstoi’s unpleasing household, the uncomfortableness in Rodin’s rooms: it all points to the same thing: you must choose — either this or that. Either happiness or art.”

What a contrast from Wendell Berry! Jayber experiences his life both past and present with more presence than judgment, and yet I perceive a deep sense of purpose that exceeds Rilke’s more immature ambitions. This week in small group we were talking about idolatry, and I got to explain to ___ how it’s hard to tell the difference between artmaking and worship: look how they talk about an artist’s vocation using worshipful, sacrificial language. (Look neither to the right nor left!)

I’m glad I’m not stuck in this attitude anymore; it wasn’t perfectly healthy for me. But as a Christian I haven’t found a worldview as complete as this one seemed to me, when I was younger.

Best,

Rama